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I just want to comment on how annoying it is to be a woman on New Year's. Let's not even talk about the horrors of trying to find someone to spend the evening with, whether it's a significant other or a girlfriend, but what about trying to figure out what to wear?! And then, once you've found something to wear, I at least worry about what I want my makeup too look like! I feel like maybe the whole thing is a conspiracy to make women crazy. Outfit, make up, hair, nails....the list could go on forever! All to look good for a few hours at an event where the majority of people are there with a date anyway. It's enough to make me a hermit for the rest of my life. The world is just lucky that I like doing my make up in spite of all the rest of the crap it implies.

More Snow Pics!

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Apparently random dude from across the street decided to start trying to clear the sidewalks in front of my apartment!

I unexpectedly found myself in snow up to my knees! I can't wait for the snowman building...

My roomie - she's from Miami and has never seen THIS much snow!

Snow Day!!!

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I've decided that even though the snow has COMPLETELY inconvenienced my life and put a kibosh on the plans that I had for this weekend, I'm still going to be happy!!! There's just something about seeing all that frozen water falling from the sky that makes me happy. It probably has something to do with how whenever it snowed in NC we got off from school, but who cares? I'm getting a kick looking outside my window at the newly descended blizzard and I have enough food and heat to keep me warm through it all! So now the question becomes 'What am I going to make for breakfast'?

Why is this gentlemen trying to clear a side walk in still falling snow? The world may never know.

Uselessness in Action (or would that be inaction...?)

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The other weekend the completely ridiculous people that live upstairs had a party. Yeah, that's right, the same people who persist in vacuuming at 6:30am decided that they should have a party just to see if they could push my roommate and I over the edge. The only funny thing about this is that they left us a gift! A 'USB Massag Ball'. By any other name, the worst vibrator ever created. It only has one setting that goes on when you plug it in and the different 'massage heads' are completely useless. Even when my roommate tried using it as a massage tool, on her knees, she was like 'Nope - fail'. We're not sure which neighbor or visitor graced us with this new tool, or if they were trying to insinuate something about our love lives, but whoever they are they failed miserably. If you're going to give the gift of self satisfaction why not at least spring for a Rabbit and really make a lady say 'Thank You'?

An Ode to Humanism

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Ode to Housewives - http://cornellsun.com/node/11677

Disclaimer - First- I am a spiritual agnostic, but I have no problems with organized religion. Like any organization it has its positives and its negatives and I write this note from that view. Two - In my opinion a woman's sexual expression is up to her as long as she takes the necessary measures to protect herself and her partner. Three - I do not personally know Joseph Sabia and while this note represents a response to the issues he addresses in the article referenced above, this is by no means a personal attack as his opinions are his own and he has a right to them.

While there are quite a few inflammatory and insulting points brought up in the first of Sabia's articles, I would like to begin with disputing one of his first - "Feminists told women to throw off the shackles of their oppressors by sleeping around, shacking up, refusing to be stay-at-home moms, aborting "unwanted" children, and listening to Joni Mitchell. The feminist movement instructed women to abandon the essence of womanhood -- being a wife and mother." I would never consider the essence of my womanhood to be defined by what I could be to other people. If a man is not defined by being a husband and father, why should I be taught to assume anything different? Feminism taught women the value of choice and provided the tools so that each girl or woman could examine their own lives and hopefully learn to lead it in a way that is best for them - separate from cultural and societal pressures or confinement. The inherent value of choice is that if a woman feel strongly that her personally happiness as an individual is best served by being a wife and stay at home mom she can do that - but she doesn't have to. Instead if she feels like going out into the world to working to become the best doctor or lawyer she can, that doing that better serves herself and the community, that is also her choice. And both choices can be made freely without outside preventative measures or societal condemnation. Yes there are extremes for every life style, but I believe that every man and woman's life should be about balance, which with the right help and work can and should lead to a healthy balance of work and play - with no restriction on what type of 'work' it is. I'm not going to let some person other than me decide what the only thing I can do with my life is.

"[W]omen will only find true happiness when their time and attention is focused on their husbands and families. That is what the traditional breadwinner/homemaker family is all about." This particular quote is one where I'm going to lose my attempt to dispute these claims intelligently and just cry BULLSHIT. I can be a happy and completely satisfied person without being a wife and mother. What happens to women who can't have children - for any of the variety of reasons that can happen? Should they just off themselves now because obviously, there's no way their life can amount to anything and they are facing an existence burdened with a loss and incompleteness?! Come on now Sabia, I think this point is completely baseless and has nothing to say in regards to the thousands, the millions, of women who don't have children and 'somehow' manage to be happy and whole. Instead it is the woman who is lucky enough to find that which makes her feel fulfilled, inspired, and exited by that will be happy. It can be her husband, it can be her children, but it can also be art or music or photography or anything else!

Finally, though there are more parts of this article I take offense to, there is this particular quote: "But the traditional family is not discriminatory; rather it encourages an appropriate division of labor consistent with biological and Biblical truths. Women are the nurturers and men are the providers. Such an arrangement should not place women in an inferior position, but instead should elevate their status." I can't accept or respect any argument that assumes that saying 'Biblical truths' will make the point for them. There are too many religions around the world, each with their own definition of the 'appropriate division of labor', that this argument is just baseless to me. And this line doesn't just pigeon hole women - what about men? Who is to say that they can't be a nurturing influence? I believe that who a person is can be traced back to a combination of genetics and environment - in addition to just luck (good or bad), thus a man should be entitled to the right to be the nurturer or provider just like a woman. There is a Bible or other religious text in the world that is going to make me believe that divisions that worked a thousand years ago, for not everyone - just some, are going to appropriate to enforce on the people of today.

In essence, what I'm trying to say, is that I don't think it's really all about encouraging strict feminism, instead I believe in supporting HUMANISM. Men and Women deserve equal opportunities to decide their lives for themselves. PERIOD. It might actually be possible if that we stop condemning everything, that each couple could come to their own decision about what is right for them without guilt or extraneous stress. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

Stress and Overwhelmed

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And here it goes, the realm of the drama queen - if you don't want to listen to the semi-emo depressing rants of someone who at the moment hates the world, please stop reading now.

Be Warned Of A General Lack Of Coherency From This Point On

I HATE EMAIL AND I HATE MY JOB AND RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT I HATE MY LIFE. Yes I used all caps purposefully, because I'm screaming inside my head. Not out loud yet, but inside my head. All I was trying to do was keep my Gmail inbox clean of the random crapola that gets dumped in my Yahoo account due to the many sorority list serves I'm on. But do you know what Gmail has that Yahoo does not? The ability to UNSEND - which is in my personal opinion a godsend. I mean - sometimes you fuck it up. Sometimes your grammar is wrong or your spelling is out of whack or sometimes, just some special times, you have the COMPLETELY WRONG ADDRESS IN THE SEND FIELD. But what can you do after hitting that button? Well in my case completely freak out - at least on the inside.

I'm pretty positive my need for control over everything around me has to do with my family. When your family is fucked up you have pretty much no control and so I think that for me that's channeled into me being a somewhat hyper type-A personality. Someone who likes to volunteer, step in, raise her hand and accept one more fucking responsibility. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with me. Right now I'd rather just go be a fucking hermit, one that sits there with her books and her clothes and her make-up and only maybe goes out in the world. Going out in the world it what hurts, going out in the world is what leads to fuck-ups and disappointments and generally unhappiness.

And - here comes more emo (watch out) - it does make me ask myself, how much is the happiness worth it? Yes it's good to have friends and loved ones and I don't know, go out, but how much does the chance of unhappiness weigh against that? Yes it's just a chance, yes people should be strong and go out and evolve! Well fuck them. They've probably had enough therapy that the idea of going out doesn't give them panic attacks. I think the only reason I don't get panic attacks or ulcers is that 90% of the time I'm so numb I can't even feel enough to get them.

Instead I get random rants of horrible unhappiness. Sometimes with tears, sometimes not. My world is horribly unfair - yes I'm sure there is a sister or a friend or a family member that can help remind me that the good stuff is there too, but I've forgotten. Right this second I've forgotten. All I seem to be is a speaking stick that can help do this or help do that or fill out this form. Not a person, not someone who knows anything about what they're doing or what's going to happen. I feel completely impotent to fate and sometimes it really does seem like I would be better off just not in it.
Or at least, just not responsibly for anything or maybe floating around in a drugged haze. Yeah, that would probably be better.