I see it on the horizon - V-day approaches!


I think how a person feels about Valentine's Day definitely goes through transformations as they get older. When you're little it's just this day where all your classmates bring in candy and cards for everyone- the only hard part is trying to figure out what card you're going to give to that kid you don't really like. But as you get older you start to assimilate all of the cultural associations that people have about the holiday. You start wondering about romantic feelings and how you're 'yearning for that special someone'. Doesn't matter if you actually have that special someone or not, you've at this point been officially brainwashed to think that if you're not spending V-day romantically then you're doing it wrong - or possibly a social leper. Or both. I think it depends on what part of the country you grow up in.

It's only as you go through a few years of this that the sense of personal shame gets transformed into a general hatred for the holiday. You begin avoiding the color pink and hearts, start distancing yourself from all plans involving you and a 'singles party'. All just to be able to tell yourself that you don't care that you're alone on Valentine's Day, that in fact, you prefer it that way!

I bring this up because this year I'm not thinking about avoiding anything or about how I fail at life because I'll be alone. I've found myself thinking about what I want to wear to party the night away with my sorors! It seems that somewhere along the line V-day has become less about a night for 'us' and more about a night for 'me'. I enjoy dressing up, I enjoying doing my makeup and feeling pretty. And thank goodness that it is a ritual that I enjoy independent of any holiday or man. To sum up I say go ahead! Go out for the dreaded V-day. But make it about you and what you enjoy. Invite the girls and party is away knowing that you're happy and appreciated - with or without a significant other.

Coming Soon - His Darkest Hunger by Juliana Stone

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Hey Guys! Zooming about the internet with the help of some of the book blogs that I stalk I found a contest with a great sounding prize! Juliana Stone's latest book His Darkest Hunger (out March 30, 2010) is being offered up to the masses! With a little front cover blurb by Christine Feehan it sounds like something right up my alley, an opinion as confirmed by the back description:

Jaxon Castille: jaguar shifter, warrior, assassin. He has long hungered for the chance to make his former lover, Libby Jamieson, pay for her deadly betrayal. After three long years he’s finally found her. The hunt is over…

But the Libby that he finds is not what he expected. She has no memory of their tumultuous affair; of her treachery; of anything beyond her own name. A shadowy and deadly clan has marked them both for death, and in an instant the game changes: the hunter has become the hunted.

On the run, with the ghosts of their past between them and a dark, desperate hunger quickly reclaiming their bodies and souls, Libby and Jaxon must discover the truth behind the dark forces working against them. Together, they must grab hold of a destiny that has the power to either heal them or destroy them.

I'm very excited to feature the book here and on my other blog Reading Amidst the Chaos, and if you want a chance to win this book I suggest you visit Juliana Stone's blog here for all the contest rules!

And now we've come to it - 'The Gays'

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Let me start out by saying that I've never watched an episode of 'Millionaire Matchmaker' before Sunday. I'd seen her book in Barnes and Noble and I think seen a commercial or two, but that's it. It was only a day with the roomie on the couch and the phrase 'first gay client' in the description that made me think it was worth my time - and unfortunately it was, because if I've ever seen a more offense piece of television in my life I can't at the moment remember what it was.

Let's first start off with how this idiot woman, through the entire episode, refers to homosexuals as 'The Gays'. That's right, 'the gays', like they're some kind of endangered species that can only be talked about with no connection to the rest of humanity. I have no idea how her client was able to stay in the same room with her! The entire time she was completely patronizing and she decided to approach the situation believing the worst stereotypes. She walked into the room with her client for the first time and asked him if he was a top or bottom - as if she was going to walk into the room and ask a straight client if they liked missionary or doggy style! Come on now - that is the kind of private information you share once you're in the relationship but you don't just go blurting that out with rude strangers. She then followed this up by lecturing him about how once she sets up this date, because she's heard that all of 'the gays' sleep with their partners on the first date, he has to be able restrain himself and not have sex right off the bat.

Seriously. This is what I was watching on Sunday. I don't think my jaw has ever dropped that much during a single TV show. But while I was horrified by her treatment of her homosexual client, let me not make you think that all of her ineptitude was directed solely at him. Her straight client didn't get much better. On the first meeting she walks in and asks him if he'll let her 'fix his clothes, hair,' and oh yeah, 'could you get some Botox, too?' AAAARRGGH! And still the side show continued!

When she's parading the potential matches in front of her she tells one girl that 'she'll allow her to come but she has to wear a minimizer because she won't have any women looking like strippers or porn stars' tarnish her agency. Another gets told that 'you're pretty, but with dark, really dark, brunette hair you'd be a knock out'. And the men get the same treatment invasive treatment 'are you a top or bottom? how do I know you're really gay?' It just went on and on and on. You don't really imagine an hour being unbearable once you're out of college, but this one was. It was like this horrific train wreck where some of the worst qualities of humanity were played out on the screen for the world to see - and pay for.

I'm not sure if I'm adequately communicating how insulting this woman was. Finally, once the torture was over and it was the end of the episode, she sealed the deal by asking her client if he'd had sex with his date, because of course the assumption was that as one of those 'the gays' he must have given into his misbegotten urges and gone on the hunt. Then, with her finishing off every other sentence talking about 'Viva la Gays' - as if they were some ancient forgotten tribe that had just been introduced to the world and needed to be celebrated for they're 'uniqueness' and 'diversity'? It made me wanna puke. Or at least kill myself so I wouldn't have to hear her grating voice any more. Take your pick.

herrohachi tees!

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I'm writing this post to call attention to one of my favorite Etsy shops, herrohachi! Kym creates the most adorable t-shirts with logos like 'I Love Bubbletea' and 'Herro Neenja'! I put up pics of the tees below because words just don't do them justice -

So cute! And for a limited time you can become a fan of her Facebook Page and get the chance to fill out a survery and win a free shirt! Also, make a point to stop by her blog, bee creative, because she has hilarious posts and they've more than once made my day!

Who? What? Where? How? Why?

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I have two big fears about my life 1) that I'll never figure out what I'm most passionate about and, 2) that I'll always be unsatisfied about the state of my love life. I use those words pretty deliberately, because it's not that I need to be married with 2.5 kids, I just want to feel complete in whatever I'm doing. I want to feel that the choices I'm making are my own and not caused by fear of the unknown or fear of failure. I think my childhood definitely turned me into a uniquely type-A personality, which I think leads into my biggest fears.

I have always been driven to do well- maybe because I don't know how not to or maybe it's because it was the easiest and fastest way to gain approval and praise. But at this point in my life it's not about all the things I do well, I want to know about those things at which I'm great. It's terrifying to me to imagine that I'm going to die knowing I was good at a lot and never fantastic at anything. It's kind of like I'm being damned with faint praise, you know? Still, finding out what I'm great at apparently doesn't make into a person who want's to compete the best. For example, right now I'm the manager at an office where I started as a receptionist. Now if you asked me, 'Did you want to get that promotion and become a manager?' HELL NO. I just wanted to be left alone, almost in obscurity, a path that at least for a little while would have satisfied my urge for stability. But here I am, in a job I only really hate because my bosses are complete idiots, but it's a job I hate none the less.

I would say that type-A is also a condition of my second fear, mostly because I'm worried that I'll never find that person for me; even if it's only for a short while. If I thought I could be happy alone, or just kind of shuffling from one meaningless attachment to the next, then maybe this wouldn't matter. But it's hard to imagine myself happy that way. It's hard to imagine my future, see myself alone, and think 'that's ok with me.'

Wow. This post has turned unexpectedly depressing. Oh well, that's what happens I guess when you decide to write about your greatest fears. To at least give you a bit of hope that my life is not completely on a downward spiral, I'll use my next post to talk about my 2010 monthly goals! Thanks for reading!

Quick plug - Reading Amidst the Chaos on YouTube

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Well it's started. I'm not sure how long it'll last and I'm not convinced that this is the best idea I've ever had, but it's a beginning! Check me out below and if you're not feeling too lazy, you can even subscribe to my channel and stay tuned for more!