Comparison is the thief of joy, or "is everyone resting without me?"
Wednesday, February 2, 2022
It's not often that I find myself in a place to say that Facebook changed my entire existence, but apparently that's the mindfuck in which we find ourselves cause ~2022~.
I don't talk about it a ton, mostly because who needs to hear it from another rando on the internet, but I workout. Consistently and maybe often (depending on your definition of often) both because Trump's election in 2016 fucked with my head, and because the pandemic onset in 2020 left me with a desperate desire to have some tiny morsel of control over my life/have markers for the beginning and end of my work day. As someone who gets bored easily I've run through a few different programs throughout the years, and in 2019 found myself drawn to the philosophy behind NOBS, created by Lucy Mountain. But even with the allure of no body transformation pictures and a focus on strengthening yourself with a customizeable program, weight training was a hard sell. It's repetitive and boring and at times just hard with what feels like no reward (yes, yes, increased strength and functional mobility is GREAT but with no endorphins it all just feels like sweat and pain to me. Don't @ me). Only recently though has a post brought to my attention that maybe I'm just doing it in a way that's not wrong, but certainly not the best for my personal goals.
In the connected Facebook group, a fellow NOBS home guide follower asked about a move and what muscle she was supposed to be feeling/working during it. Y'all, the comments. THE COMMENTS. 90% of them were just people saying they hated it/couldn't do it/replaced it with another move because the one instructed didn't work, to the point where even Lucy Mountain said she was considering switching it out because the feedback was so poor. I'm not sure what it says about me that I never thought NOT doing the move was an option. I just went ahead and followed the instructions as given, even if I was miserable in the moment, because if I could do it that means I should be doing it? Right?
I've spent a good part of the pandemic finding body positive instructors, often fat, mostly women, of a variety of disciplines, and taken their classes. Listened to their words on life, how they navigated the often toxic culture around movement, and how to appreciate one's body for what it can do but also balancing that against what you want to do with it. If I don't want to feel super sore for the next 48hrs, or fuck, if I'm just tired/not interested, maybe taking it easy is the path that works best for me and there is no inherent moral value in the decision.
And the impetus for this post was just how majorly this realization came to a head during my recent run following Yoga with Adriene's 30 Days of Yoga. I always have a kind of a push pull with these, because there's always a point where I am just tired and don't want to fucking hold another plank even if my life depended on it, but it all really bummed me out this year. Adriene's verbiage on "think about how you face hard things" or to "whisper to yourself I am strong" didn't hold a candle to Natalie (of BodyPosiBarre) telling her classes to thank their bodies for what they did for us today. It paled even more in comparison to the post-it of rapidly scribbled words I've had taped to my monitor for the past year:
I'm not sure it's very radical to say I don't know how other people workout, but I'm not sure I do? Like in this world of extremes, what does the average person feel when they're moving their body intentionally? I don't have endorphins during or after a workout, so do other people feel tired or angry or sometimes miserable (I'm working on not doing things that make me miserable, just FYI)? I guess I just always went in to something thinking that if I could do it as shown I could, even if it was really hard or wasn't fun. Isn't that like all working out? Because so far the only thing I've successfully quit is Couch to 5K, and that was because I deliberately told my brain when I went in that if I didn't like it I was "allowed" to stop. And now I'm suddenly worried that I'm the strange one and had no idea because we only have comparisons for the best and worst, not the average person who just wants to move their bodies sometimes.
Friday Book Club: 2021 Reads!
Friday, January 7, 2022 • Friday Book Club
What's probably most surprising looking at this collage is how many books were just kind of in the miasma of the year and didn't make any lasting impacts in my memory. Trying to pick from the new, I'd say my Top Picks were:
Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots
Morning Glory Milking Farm by C.M. Nascosta
Fates Blades by Ilona Andrews
The Soulmate Equation by Christina Lauren
And while it feels a little anathema, I'd still have to say Hench was the must read book of the year. I remember what it was like to get sucked in to that book and just be absolutely blown away by how it portrayed women, anger, disability and perceived weakness, while also being incredibly kick ass. As in Violent with a capital "v". You've been warned.
(Jessica P. Wick at NPR has a much more thorough review if you'd like to read actual thoughts and feelings about the book. Sorry I suck.)
2020 - 2021 Annual Wardrobe Round Up / 2022 Resolutions
Monday, December 27, 2021 • Wardrobe Resolutions
Well y'all, we've reached the end of another year, and another clothing resolution wrap-up.
My intentions were to catalog my wardrobe with the SmartCloset app, and buy no more than 60 individual clothing items. The TLDR of the SC story is I like uniformity in projects that ask for pictures and it became impossible. Every time I tried to attack a section it was hours of Googling for product photos and them removing extraneous model and background bits, or planning it around a time when I could lay out the piece of clothing in my apartment and THEN deleting the background, etc.
Me no likely.
I am tentatively contemplating whether a bare bones spreadsheet would be better, especially since I’m moving. I think the wishy washy-ness of it all is whether I now consider it a worthy goal at all. I love those Instagramers who use SC (or similar apps) to easily create outfits and then show how it transforms into real life. But I neither post often enough, or with enough day to day outfits, to make it feel like the time necessary to get it up and running would be a good use of the hours. I do not consider myself a clothing minimalist or maximalist. There is no magic number I want to “hit” so other than an exercise to make sure that I am intimately aware of each and every item of clothing I own, it’s almost… neutral in terms of usefulness? We’ll see. I’m hesitant to set myself up for another miss, but also excited to just move my clothing out into new and more closets that should actually give me the chance to see everything. Doing small seasonal switches helped, but I think this will be even better.
Next up is the biggie, which was to purchase no more than 20% less in number of clothing items than last year, which would have been 60 pieces. I actually ended the year at 64. Which was shocking to me mostly because I WAS A DUMB DUMB AND MESSED UP MY SPREADSHEET. So I've been sitting here for the past month feeling like a failure (even though CostumingDrama says you can't fail a goal, which is true) when in reality I'm only over cause I went thrifting last April and I'm still judging the results. This is the first time I've ever tried to set a limit, and while I didn't make it, I would call 4 items well within the margin of error and makes me feel like I have more control over myself/my wardrobe, than I had gone into the year feeling.
(I also took the liberty for my own edification to track not just the number of items, but the cost, which I won’t be sharing here but maybe horrified me. A little. I’d never actually done that part before, but felt like living in ignorance wasn’t the better way to go.)
Another thing I learned more about this year was my relationship to thrifting, online specifically. I was following a lot of vintage/second hand clothing accounts in 2020 and I can’t say that anything I purchased via those channels were particularly long lasting in my closet. I don’t know what it is about the fact that I know my measurements and sh*t STILL doesn’t fit or looks different on my plus size body vs the example plus size body, but it’s a bummer. I know that it’s “better” to take clothing out of circulation vs buying new from even ethical/sustainable brands, but this non-returnable, do or die, decision required for vintage shopping is NOT IT. I need to try things on. I need to be able to see the viability of pieces, especially when you consider that I can alter things somewhat myself. But I barely even manage success buying secondhand things from brands I know my size in (looking at you Poshmark and the two LOFT jumpsuits I bought in 2020 that were both fails). I don’t think buying secondhand but ending up with pieces that I then have to re-home is particularly sustainable either (let alone for my budget), so I might have to accept that that percentage will go down in 2022.
So the question becomes, what about the next year? As I said previously I may try to catalog my wardrobe, I may not. We’ll see. But I do think having the goal, as hard as it was, was good for me. So I’m gonna bring it back, 60 items – but the twist is that to account for how I went over last year I’m going to subtract my overage right from the top. Is this is a terrible idea? PROBABLY WHO KNOWS. But I so infrequently wear real clothes that even the pieces I buy and love aren’t being appreciated enough. I’m really looking at a wardrobe of clothing for a life I no longer live and don’t know when I’ll live again, as depressing as that sounds. I’m very concerned that the middle ground I had between athleisure and fun/fancy dresses is gone and other than work there might be a big chunk of clothing that won’t be worn regularly. But to dwell too long on that lies madness and tears, so let’s just keep trying. Keep going in the direction of a wardrobe/closet I love and is useful to me, and if I can continue to try new brands doing good things in terms of both style and size inclusivity, that’d be great too.
a cliche for a reason
Sunday, July 25, 2021 • Aldo, Elexiay, Katerina Makriyianni, McKee Beshers, OOTD, Poshmark, Sunflowers, Zara
Half Caked - First Impressions (& all the pictures!)
Friday, May 14, 2021 • Half Caked, Makeup, Makeup Monday, review, WDDT?, what does dana think
I know that things have been very makeup heavy around here lately, and I'll go back to outfit/other content eventually, but please indulge me while I introduce another new to me brand, Half Caked!
(And yes, I felt pretty much compelled to do a photo shoot with my childhood Polly Pockets, have you LOOKED AT THAT PACKAGING?!)
Now normally I wouldn't buy five products at one time, but I admit I'm a little desensitized to what is "normal" and their VERY reasonable base price combined with a 10% off coupon code I found online was too much for me, lol. The Lip Fondant was an unexpected gift with purchase.
This would usually be where I throw a billion high resolution pictures at you, and they'll still be below, but SPOILER ALERT: these products are fine. The blushes are more pigmented than expected but blend really easily, and yet I'm still a little heartbroken that nothing I bought was the dupe for Kjaer Weis Sun-Touched the way I wanted it to be (sweat drop smiley face). Coolness, the bronzer/contour shade in purple packaging, is *cool*. Like so cool that I actually can't use it as a bronzer at all, though I'll probably continue to experiment with it as a proper contour (I put together a quick couple of Stories on Instagram, comparing it to the Salt New York in Medium if you're interested).
If you don't mind the slight unknown of ordering online, my opinion is to go for it! But maybe narrow it down to like, three, max, because there are so many wonderful blushes out there to try ;).
Packaging P0rn
Swatches
FitGlow Beauty Conceal+ - First Impressions and Comparisons
Tuesday, April 20, 2021 • concealer, fitglow, fitglow beauty, Makeup, Makeup Monday, review, WDDT?, what does dana think
Long time no blog! I'm not going to apologize really, it's 2021 and my sense of hope and/or optimism is rapidly fading. BUT. What hasn't faded is my desire to provide accurate swatches on the internet that are easily accessible to other Brown skin girls, because when I want to buy a new-to-me product blog posts are my ride or die. Which is why today we're going to do a quick run down of a handful of samples from FitGlow Beauty.
I love sampling programs. Full stop. I don't mind paying for the privilege to know whether a product will work for me, and I don't have to spend any additional shipping time on returns or replacements. And in the case of these particular concealers, if they DO work for you, it's a generous enough sample that you're not going to need to purchase the full size for a little while.
FitGlow Beauty's program allows buyers to choose six samples from a wide range of their makeup and skincare products. As you can see from my pictures, Conceal+ samples are in 5g snap lid plastic containers, with Lip Colour Serums coming in minis of their full size compatriots. Pro is that these are clearly easy to pack on their end, Con is that the concealers had that slight plastic-y smell that for some cream products indicate that they're near the end of their shelf life (though as an unfragranced product, the concealer just may smell like this all the time due to the wax and oils in their ingredients deck).
Conceal+ in Shades C3 (Medium), C3.5 (Medium Tan), C4.5 (Deep Tan), C5 (Deep); $42 (Save 20% with the code FITGLOWFAM)
Upon my initial testing I was surprised by two things: 1) while the model examples of FitGlow's website aren't particularly helpful, the color wheel is relatively accurate to real life 2) this concealer COVERS. It definitely benefits from the ability to warm it up on your fingers, and a little goes a very long way. Unfortunately none of this did much for the fact that there isn't really a good match for me here. I can't say that with 100% conviction because Shade C4 wasn't available to sample at the time I purchased, but none of their offerings appear to have the yellow undertone I prefer to brighten throughout the center of my face. C3.5 is too gray for me and C4.5 was a decent face match outside the eye area, but the rarity with which I spot conceal means it's not something I'd use often.
Still I hope these real life swatches help, especially for a brand that's online only. I also took the time to swatch some of the other concealers in my collection, though the ILIA and Kosas are the only ones I'm using right now with any regularity. Hashtag thanks-panini-none-of-my-makeup-suits-me-after-a-year-inside.
Left to Right:
ILIA True Skin Serum Concealer in "Wasabi" ($30); Kosas Revealer Concealer in "05" ($28); FitGlow Beauty Conceal+ in C3, C3.5, C4.5, C5 ($42); Pat McGrath Skin Fetish Sublime Concealer in "LM14" ($32); Clé de Peau Beauté Stick Concealer in "Honey" ($73)
Phew! All the things there. But I'm done - short and sweet because these didn't work for me, but I do hope this information helps you. And as always, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out and let me know!
What's a Honey Mask? A Head to Head (to Head) Review
Wednesday, February 3, 2021 • review, skincare, WDDT?, what does dana think
I'm not sure what it says about me or my intelligence that I didn't think about writing this post sooner. Especially since (to be honest) I bought two of these after being inspired by all the hype around one. Oh well, c'est la vie, because today friends, we're talking about honey masks.
What is a honey mask? I think it's best described not only by the prevalence of honey in the formula, but by the intended effects: hydration. Across the board honey masks are primarily intended to improve moisture/hydration levels in the user, which is why you'll see that and plumping in almost every description below. In my opinion/experience most aren't super "active" in terms of acids/exfoliation, and they can be left on the skin for long periods of time without concerns, especially in regards to potential irritation. Let me know if you have any questions, and I hope this gives you some idea of whether your skincare routine would benefit from one!
Brand: May Lindstrom Skin
Price: $90 for 3.38 fl oz ($26.63 per oz)
Description:
An exquisitely distinctive union of raw honey, silver, white halloysite clay, and aromatic plant oils marry with our unique, natural exfoliating acid to envelop you in an intoxicating and highly-addictive cleansing and masking ritual.
This cushy, luscious pudding frees you of the day’s pollutants, infusing skin with enzymes as it plumps, softens, and revives circulatory rhythm to restore optimal hydration and luminance.
Recommended Time Worn: Up to 60min
Does it dry down? Yes.
Fragrance? Yes, via various essential oils and extracts (Cananga Odorata (Ylang-Ylang) Oil, Vanilla Planifolia Fruit Extract, Boswellia Serrata (Frankincense) Oil, Commiphora Myrrha (Myrrh) Oil, Juniperus Virginiana (Cedarwood) Oil, Citrus Sinensis (Orange) Peel Extract, Gaultheria Procumbens (Wintergreen) Leaf Extract).
Source: May Lindstrom Skin
My Thoughts: I'm not gonna call this mask the OG, but it's definitely the one that grabbed my attention first. Between Caroline Hirons and the various bloggers who were in love and sang its praises I knew I had to try it, almost (kind of) regardless of price point, but it was SOLD OUT. And it stayed sold out. And then to the horrors of almost everyone, it was announced that it was coming back "better than ever" aka reformulated. In other words I can't compare this to the original Honey Mud, only speak to how it works in its current iteration, and generally that opinion is "like, but don't love". Or maybe not
"don't love" but "don't understand the hype".
Unlike the other masks in this post, the Honey Mud does dry down due to the presence of Kaolin Clay in the ingredient list and with the inclusion of Wintergreen Extract, an organic form of salicylic acid, it's on the more active side. It doesn't tingle, but I do tend to classify this as more purifying and thus really enjoy using it when I feel like my skin is congested or on the edge of breaking out. It's not drying on my oily skin, though depending on your skin type you may want to mist while wearing it, preventing any dry down.On the other hand I do completely agree with the lush descriptor, as it's got a wonderfully thick, non drippy texture and a sweet, almost cocoa like smell. Plus it can be used either as a mask or a day to day facial cleanser. Generally, I think this mask ends up being the most well rounded when it comes to seasons of usage (ie Winter vs Summer) and ways, but perhaps not as hydrating as the other two below.
Product: Hyaluronic Honey Mask
Brand: Truth Treatment Systems
Price: $49 for 1 fl oz ($49 per oz)
Description:
Hyaluronic Honey Mask provides skin with essential water hydration for all skin types. Contains a high concentration of water-binding hyaluronic acid, which aids the skin in essential water retention and enhances overall hydration and plumpness. Pure Colorado Clover Honey boosts this mask’s ability to bind water to the skin, while providing a natural source of lactic acid and honey enzymes for additional skin softening and brightening. Vitamins C and E, and Aloe Vera nourish and calm the skin, making this the perfect finishing mask for any facial protocol.
Recommended Time Worn: 10-15min
Does it dry down? No.
Fragrance? No, but there are a few flower extracts at the end of the ingredients list (Bixa Orellana Leaf Extract, Jacaranda Mimosifolia Flower Extract, Kalanchoe Pinnata Leaf Extract).
Source: Harben House
My Thoughts: I'm so thankful for Vanessa of Goals To Get Glowing for introducing me to Harben House. Not only is it a(nother) family run business, they stock a variety of brands I've never heard of before, but not so many that I can't stumble upon gems like this. But because I love you I will start with the things I don't like about this mask: it is the most expensive per ounce and it only comes in the 1 fl oz jar, meaning most people will go through it relatively quickly. Next it has that vaguely unpleasant non-fragrance smell and the texture is not that aesthetically pleasing. But what I like? Well I really like that my face feels pleasantly cool throughout the entire time I'm wearing it, it has no dry down but doesn't drip, and rinses away to (in my opinion) leave a brighter, soft to the touch result.
Now I'm aware that brighter is super subjective (and arguably racist/a colorism holdover) and it's not even something I would attribute to any significant lightening of leftover spots of hyperpigmentation. The best way I can describe it is that it's just as if overall my face is simply better, subtly, in a way that I really like. Could just be an after effect of the hydration and plumping that is the mask's main goal, but I suspect it also could be attributed to that organic source of lactic acid and the honey enzymes. But that price... I ordered my first jar in mid-November of last year, and I'm down to one application.
Product: The Petal Honey
Brand: Take Care
Price: $50 for 8 fl oz ($6.25 per oz)
Description:
Incredibly soothing, this facial honey is packed with the most nourishing ingredients that support all skin types — especially reactive and sensitive skin. You can apply all over face and use as frequently as desired.
I (creator Becky Waddell) personally love this mask when my skin is feeling dry and sensitive, or when I have breakouts that need to be left alone but I have the urge to mess with them. It’s just so calming and gentle.
Recommended Time Worn: No limit given.
Does it dry down? No.
Fragrance? No, unless you count the roses the honey is infused with.
Source: Take Care Shop
My Thoughts: This is the new kid on the block to me, but it's made a strong first impression. Initially created as part of a masking set that encouraged parents to introduce self care routines and conversations with their children, you can now just buy the honey mask (which was perfect for me). And for something that is unmistakably the experience of applying honey to ones face, it actually wasn't that unwieldy? I brought out an old, repurposed, foundation brush, dipped it directly in the jar, and applied it directly to my face (the product spreads easily once introduced to the heat of your skin). It smells strongly of what it is, local honey, though once on the face it's not overwhelming - and the addition of rose petals is visually appealing and I'm sure does something important I don't know, lol. The one downfall of the simplicity of the formula is that it did have a tendency to drip; not significantly, and it could have something to do with how much I applied, but for the hour or so I wore it I cleaned up a few drops from my chest and decolletage area. Probably means it's a great bath mask though?
Rinsing was much easier than I thought it'd be, and my face felt (broken record here) plump and moisturized. I think especially as we continue throughout this long LOONNNGGGG WINTER of cold dry air and indoor heating, it will be nice to come back to this and leave it on for as little or as much time as I have. Or a great pairing to the other splurge I made last year, the Sodashi Scalp and Hair Mask, because that's another product that's recommended to leave on for an hour if you have the time. Oh, and I could actually use it as a designed as the vehicle of a dry mask I bought... a while ago before I knew I wasn't the type of person who should buy anything that requires finicky mixing.
And that's it! I wanted to do this round up in hopes that even though I don't give you a definite must buy or favorite, you would have some more information to reference when you're thinking of adding one to your own routine. Generally I think a good rule of thumb would be to ask yourself "how long do I want to wear this mask" and keep that answer in mind as you browse the interwebs. Thanks for joining me on this rather lengthy word journey, and if you have any questions let me know!
Friday Book Club #24
Friday, January 29, 2021 • Friday Book Club
Could I spend Friday Book Club talking about more than one book? Yes, absolutely. I may in fact immediately do a February post for a few of the other ones I've finished lately, but today all I really want to talk about is Mikoto and the Reaver Village.
(And I'm switching the stylistic font choices of this series temporarily, because I can't imagine anyone wants to read a billion paragraphs in italics.)
Mikoto and the Reaver Village by Forthright (Fantasy)
Wardenclave has always been a place of secrets and sway. For most of the year, the remote mountain village is closed off from the rest of the world, but each spring, they issue invitations to the most promising young reavers all over the world. Summer skill camps provide opportunities for the elite to train with the best. And by longstanding tradition, for teens of the In-between to evaluate the compatibility of their peers. Glint Starmark’s reputation as a matchmaker has been holding true for millennia.
At seventeen, Mikoto Reaver is the youngest headman in Wardenclave’s history. He’s had very little time to adjust to his new role before their close-knit community opens its doors to children of pedigree, the specialists who will mentor them, an allotment of battlers, and a celebrity or two. Glint means well, but Mikoto won’t commit until he can speak to the only girl he’s ever loved. There’s just something about her.
My Thoughts: I discovered Forthright what feels like a billion years ago (but was actually July 2018) via a blog post by Ilona Andrews and I've pretty much been obsessed ever since. It's just something about their books. Maybe it is as Andrews says, that they are low heat and high intimacy, but as the series goes on it is one I consider anchored by romance but romance adjacent. As the cast grows I think the plot moves by the strength of all the characters, not just the main couple and the combination forces me to pay attention, especially in a story like Mikoto's.
Each book builds on information from the previous one, but in particular this book is tied to Kimiko and the Accidental Proposal and heavily features the characters from it. And as many times as I've reread that since it's original publishing in 2018, there were moments where I had to wrack my brain to correctly remember the relationships and for me that meant, when combined with the plot, Mikoto was a slow read. That almost never happens. But I felt immersed and caught by these characters and the unexpected couple at the heart of the story.
The world of the Amaranthine is familiar but different, and the decisions the main types of people (Amaranthine, Humans, and Reavers) make are based on rules that feel foreign but are never arbitrary. Thus when individuals make decisions that my brain might initially take umbrage with, I usually need to step back, reread, and consider how one reacts in this world. From that viewpoint it almost always makes sense, even when it can read a little cold-blooded.
I feel like a lot of that might end up coming across as vague, but I really really enjoyed reading this book. It made me want to own a physical copy, so I can have the feel of it and become familiar with where on an actual page my favorite parts are. The only thing that prevented me from immediately rereading it was that I went back and read Kimiko instead. Forthright is right up there with my other favorite authors, whose books I pine for but then end up despondent because I finish them in a day. I definitely think you should read it, but it does not stand alone so read the other three first. But that's not a bad list to have in front of you lol.
