And now we've come to it - 'The Gays'

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Let me start out by saying that I've never watched an episode of 'Millionaire Matchmaker' before Sunday. I'd seen her book in Barnes and Noble and I think seen a commercial or two, but that's it. It was only a day with the roomie on the couch and the phrase 'first gay client' in the description that made me think it was worth my time - and unfortunately it was, because if I've ever seen a more offense piece of television in my life I can't at the moment remember what it was.

Let's first start off with how this idiot woman, through the entire episode, refers to homosexuals as 'The Gays'. That's right, 'the gays', like they're some kind of endangered species that can only be talked about with no connection to the rest of humanity. I have no idea how her client was able to stay in the same room with her! The entire time she was completely patronizing and she decided to approach the situation believing the worst stereotypes. She walked into the room with her client for the first time and asked him if he was a top or bottom - as if she was going to walk into the room and ask a straight client if they liked missionary or doggy style! Come on now - that is the kind of private information you share once you're in the relationship but you don't just go blurting that out with rude strangers. She then followed this up by lecturing him about how once she sets up this date, because she's heard that all of 'the gays' sleep with their partners on the first date, he has to be able restrain himself and not have sex right off the bat.

Seriously. This is what I was watching on Sunday. I don't think my jaw has ever dropped that much during a single TV show. But while I was horrified by her treatment of her homosexual client, let me not make you think that all of her ineptitude was directed solely at him. Her straight client didn't get much better. On the first meeting she walks in and asks him if he'll let her 'fix his clothes, hair,' and oh yeah, 'could you get some Botox, too?' AAAARRGGH! And still the side show continued!

When she's parading the potential matches in front of her she tells one girl that 'she'll allow her to come but she has to wear a minimizer because she won't have any women looking like strippers or porn stars' tarnish her agency. Another gets told that 'you're pretty, but with dark, really dark, brunette hair you'd be a knock out'. And the men get the same treatment invasive treatment 'are you a top or bottom? how do I know you're really gay?' It just went on and on and on. You don't really imagine an hour being unbearable once you're out of college, but this one was. It was like this horrific train wreck where some of the worst qualities of humanity were played out on the screen for the world to see - and pay for.

I'm not sure if I'm adequately communicating how insulting this woman was. Finally, once the torture was over and it was the end of the episode, she sealed the deal by asking her client if he'd had sex with his date, because of course the assumption was that as one of those 'the gays' he must have given into his misbegotten urges and gone on the hunt. Then, with her finishing off every other sentence talking about 'Viva la Gays' - as if they were some ancient forgotten tribe that had just been introduced to the world and needed to be celebrated for they're 'uniqueness' and 'diversity'? It made me wanna puke. Or at least kill myself so I wouldn't have to hear her grating voice any more. Take your pick.

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