'Horror' Move Review: Stephen King's Sleepwalkers

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

"Brian Krause and Alice Krige star in this tale of modern-day vampires who prey on virtuous young women. Mädchen Amick is the sexually curious virgin who falls for the new boy in school--only to learn too late that he's a life-sucking Sleepwalker. Mutating at will from golden boy to savage monster, Krause stalks Amick to feed his seductive mother. As the tension mounts (and the casualties pile up) the town's tabbies gather for a final chilling showdown with the monsters in their midst."  --IMDb

Let me start off by clearing up any confusion - this is not a good movie. It's a bad movie, ok? The acting (with one exception) is laughable, the characters are ridiculous, and the stereotypes of small town characters never stop. What makes it worth watching is the fact that you can stare at it and laugh at almost every character as you yell and throw popcorn at the screen, desperately trying to get someone to act as if they have a lick of common sense (but they don't).

Brian Krause (Charmed anyone?) plays a Sleepwalker named Charles, a member of a mysterious race with cat origins that sucks the life out of virgins to sustain themselves. He's out on the prowl in Indiana (I think) picking a new victim to extend the lives of both himself and his mom. The mom I might add, that he is in a deeply wrong, very much WTF, relationship with. And I'm not saying that in an iffy or vaguely suggested kind of way - we're talking creepy sex takes place in this movie.

But ok, I digress. Charles picks Tanya and spends the rest of the movie killing everyone in his path to get to her. While she does very little to protect herself.


I mean, if you'd just been attacked by someone who could morph his face into some weird cat thing and who THEN killed a cop in front of  you, wouldn't you at least ask for a gun? Or a big knife? You know, SOMETHING that could possibly prevent you from being revenge kidnapped by his mom/lover?

There's also some stuff about real cats hating Sleepwalkers for a reason that no one will explain but honestly I was fastforwarding through some of this and maybe missed it. I watched this with the former-roomie and consider a great drink and eat bad food movie. One where bathroom breaks won't be a big deal because when you get back the heroine will still be screaming but not doing a damn thing to save herself.

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