Dating: Beyond the Kitchen and Race

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I just don't understand. I don't understand why I personally should be offended that 'Black men' (which is so freaking generic it kills me) are dating outside their race.

Over and over, whenever I happen to stumble upon a site or a blog targeting Black people, it seems to be a subject brought up for debate. 'Black women' are offended that 'Black men' are not dating them. Whether it be due to disproportionate incomes, education levels, religious beliefs, etc. the conclusion is always that Black women are (and should be) offended by this trend.

I don't get that. I get being offended if as a women you feel that you're being excluded from the dating pool by everyone in general, due to some of the reasons listed above, but I don't understand being personally offended by someone else's choice to date outside their race. I am friends with wonderful women of all different races and it seems to me that the problem of finding someone you want to spend your life with is an issue regardless of race. I don't think my White friend magically has an easier time finding a White guy who wants to be with her because she's white. Ditto for everyone else.

I feel like the chances of finding a partner that is a woman's ideal in 70-80% of the areas they're looking at for compatibility are so astronomical anyway, race is an almost inconsequential concern. If you want someone who will relate to your interests, see eye to eye with you on life goals, understand the important things in your life, what is race in comparison to that? If you found someone who was spot on with the rest would you reject them because of their skin color? (please say no)

I'm a mixed race woman. My mother was White and my dad was Black and it doesn't occur to me to be offended that some brown men don't date brown women. I am picky as hell, can be superficial and sometimes unorthodox, so I think the least I can do is give people a break on what color their skin is. I am not a typical anything, other than possibly a typical human being, and finding that spark is elusive enough, I don't need to make it harder.

I feel that a more universally helpful discussion regarding dating and meeting people could be done if we looked at the issue of where, of how, people meet other people. It might seem to more often than not be a matter of chance or luck, but I think either way that type of focus would be more positive and move this discussion forward. Everyone wants to be fulfilled and happy, whether it be in a relationship or not; it's kind of one of those universal truths. If we can agree that love within a partnership is a desire for most no matter race, then can't we also agree that the debate can be moved to how people meet people today, with today's new societal outlets? I think this perpetual need to place blame on why things don't work for one race separate from others is just moving back dating's evolution from the evolution of how people relate in general, which is helping no one no time fast.

**Disclaimer: This is one woman's opinion. I don't like to speak in general on behalf of an entire race, two races, or a gender. If I come off as insulting or too simplistic I apologize, but this is what occurs to me whenever this discussion pops up.**

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