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This is a going to be a ramble post. It might even have two parts - I haven't decided yet. If you're not in the mood to read some random thoughts from me on the body, self-confidence, attraction, happiness, and whatever else might strike my fancy, please skip to another post, lol.

So the body. It does so many wonderful things that I like to forget about. It breathes, it circulates blood, my legs move, my arms move, my eyes see, my lips and tongue work to allow me speech - it does a lot! On an everyday basis my body does some pretty incredible stuff, which is why I'm sad whenever I start to dwell on the things that I perceive to be 'wrong' with it. I can't comment on how other people feel, I wouldn't even try, but for me it seems like there's always a struggle between loving my body for the great thing it is and wishing it was different, 'better'.

Even doing these fashion adventures for myself doesn't really help those little nagging thoughts. Thoughts about how I wish my thighs were smaller or my stomach not so big. Because you know what? My stomach is like the bane of my existence. Sad, but there it is. I'm always looking down and thinking 'why can't you just be flat? Why are you always ruining the line of the pencil skirts I love so much?' when the truth is my stomach isn't supposed to be flat. That kind of airbrushed overly photo-shopped idea of beauty is not only outdated, it's incredibly unrealistic. The human body is made up of curves and flat places, firm parts and jiggly ones, and I'm trying to learn to embrace my own motto of 'perfection is unrealistic and unattainable'.

I don't want to strive for perfection. I don't want to be caught in that trap of always looking forward to something 'better' (being something 'better) while being unsatisfied and unhappy with what I have. I think it's why I like to read so many fat acceptance blogs. I may not be considered fat by most people, but the same kind of problems with body image that affect that community often run through my mind. I don't want to be unhappy with my body. I don't want to be sad that it's not the bikini body we all see in magazines or on TV. I want to be like Gabi of Young, Fat, Fabulous and wear stuff that might accentuate the 'bad' things but that make me feel so great I just don't care.

Sometimes I have those moments. Don't get me wrong - I'm not always sitting around lamenting the skin I'm in. But when I'm standing in the dressing room trying on item after item, seeing the places where I wish things fit 'better', it can be hard.

I don't have answers about how to fix any of these thoughts. In fact I'm sitting here debating returning skirts that fit and that I like but seem to, in my head, cling to my lower stomach and shout to the rest of the world 'LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!' precisely because I haven't moved past this yet. But I'm hoping that as I read more about others experiences, as I think and examine more about what motivates me and makes me feel confident about my appearance, that the those voices won't ever shout. That eventually they'll just be whispers that I can tune out easily, or, ideally, sounds that aren't there at all.

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I've decided that's enough slightly depressing discussion for any one blog post. I'm probably not done writing myself, but if I think any of it's good enough to share I'll let you know.

Edit: In fact, I think this would benefit from a click to expand button. I may add them later for other like blog posts, as it gives you readers the choice.